I have been thinking a lot about self sabotage and why we (or I) do it? I have been very stressed and under a lot of pressure the last few weeks, but worked hard to stick to plan as much as possible. So I find it hard to put into words the reasons why at the weekend I self sabotaged with 4 pieces of cake which I estimate to be 35-40 syns worth. I was offered the cake by people who know I am on a diet but it was me who accepted, I didn’t have to, I could have easily said “no thank you”. So why didn’t I?
I have had a friend in the past that deliberately and consciously regularly sabotaged my diet by bringing over to my house, cake, sweets, chocolate (once even bringing 7 pieces of cake). I realised quickly that she didn’t want me to become thinner than her, I saw through her tricks, started handed the food straight to my mum with a polite “thank you, I’ll let mum have that as you know I am on a diet”. She was later extracted from my life LOL
So why after summing up the courage to overcome that obstacle, did I then replace it with my very own?
I have never really believed in the deep routed/emotional excuses that you often read or hear about but I am now beginning to wonder if in fact there is some truth in the link between emotions – eating – sabotage.
I listen to people that talk about family history of eating the wrong food, relationship breakdown and history of abuse as reasons why they went and ate their own body weight in food. I always poo poo’ed these ideas thinking they are just an excuse (just being honest guys), but this last year I have had, quite frankly a shit year. I’ve been a victim of bullying which later turned into online bullying for a short period, uncertainty and problems at work that have literally left me unable to sleep with worry, a lot of family illness problems and health problems of my own. Is there a connection then that its taken me nearly a year to lose a stone?
Am I actually scared of success? Scared of getting to goal weight – because WHAT THEN?
There is a strong connection between the fear of failure and the fear of success. What if I fail at Slimming World, what will people think of me, what will they say behind my back or two my face = undue pressure! Fear of succeeding, what if I actually get to goal weight, what then, what do I work towards then, how hard will it be to maintain that weight = undue pressure! Either way I’m screwed LOL!
So, my plan of action is to look at my fear – realistically I mean – and formulate a plan for success because, I’m not taking failure thats for sure. I don’t mean a timetable, I don’t want the pressure of “I must reach my goal weight before the end of the year”. But a plan in terms of this:
1. What is my goal weight? DONE
2. What do I need to do to get to that goal weight? stick to Slimming World its the only plan that I know will work for me long term and a plan that I genuinely enjoy.
3. What will I do to maintain that goal weight? – I will continue going to class weekly until I feel able to be in control of my maintenance plan, then gradually reduce this to attending every third week (over a period of 12 months I’m thinking) but not be afraid to increase if I feel I need the extra support. If I feel that I can’t cope without going weekly then so be it, I’ve made some lovely friends in my class! Continue with regular exercise.
So thats my plan formulated to deal with my fear of success and planning for the future.
So what else do I need to put in place to help prevent self sabotage? I’m thinking that I focus too much on the end goal, well with 4 stone to lose thats quite some time in the future, is that stressing me out and putting undue pressure on me? Why don’t I look at short term achieveable goals that will come around relatively quickly?
Club 10 award and 1.5 stone award is only 7lbs away so why not concentrate on that? Getting your Club 10 is actually a massive achievement and I know how proud of myself I will feel to get that. So thats the first short term goal sorted, when I get that one then I will look towards my 2 stone award. It already feels good to break down goals into much smaller and achievable amounts.
Finally, I need to stop being so harsh on myself. I really beat myself up over having those cakes but whats the point? Can I go back and uneat them? NO!! So get over it Lydia, move on Lydia and don’t let it happen again next week Lydia.
I really want a good few weeks ahead of me as experience tells when once I get back into the “on plan habit” it tends to roll for a good few weeks LOL!
My SW class is very lucky to be welcoming Weight Loss Bitch tomorrow night, I am thoroughly looking foward to hearing her story and coming away brimming with motivation and confidence. My consultants Monday night class are absolutely raving about her talk. One lady in particular was talking to me today about the concept of a mood diary! I think this will be something I will be very interested in hearing more about.
I will make sure I post about her visit and more about the mood diary.
But for the time being, I think I have enough to be getting on with in my quest to banish my self sabotaging behaviour and enjoy the fact that I have found a plan that works (when I stick to it haha).